The past month I have battling with the infamous “D” that seems to accompany every Christian at some point in their life. There is a time to laugh and a time to cry, a time to mourn and a time to dance. In the poem that I wrote entitled “Too Tired”, (on a previous post)I talk about the things I seem to face as a person dealing with a chronic illness. I have never felt so isolated and cut off from society and part of me chooses to be this way because the way people treat me. I know they don’t understand what it’s like to feel what I feel, but sometimes I just wish they would be compassionate instead of jumping to conclusions or telling me to stop “speaking illness” over myself. I’m a realist and I’m not a fan of new agey concepts that talk about the power of words and sending out positive energy into the world… Yea, there is the power of life and death in the tongue, but I believe that refers to how we treat one another. I believe in God’s sovereignty. That God is in control of my life and allows certain things to happen to me even if those things hurt me. It’s only through being chiseled, ow, that I can grow and let God remove parts of me that isn’t pleasing or glorifying to him. God is good, even in my suffering and I was reminded of that this morning during my reading about a Chinese woman imprisoned for her faith. She struggled with sickness, hunger, and other atrocities while being imprisoned in a labour camp because of her faith and unwillingness to recant. There were times when she was depressed, but then there were times when God would do something to comfort her during the craziness she faced. Without the hard times, she wouldn’t have appreciated all God had done for her in the midst of seemingly endless darkness. If my dear sister did not give up fighting in spite of the way people treated her, I need to extend grace to those who say hurtful things to me.


I am optimistic and it feels great.

I saw my doctor yesterday, and we had a little catch up session. I originally wanted to see him to get some anti nausea/vomiting meds because this week I have been dealing with lots of nausea….and I have been having trouble eating, because my body just decided, “hey I’m going to throw everything up and spice up Angies life a little bit”. Lame. Anyways, during our meeting my doctor said that one of the tests came back from the rhumatologist and my iron levels are low. My doc asked me if I take iron supplements, and I said yes. And fyi, the only reason I am taking iron pills is because I suspected I might be low, because of always feeling fatigued and light headed, so, because of the nerd I am, I bought Iron supplements months ago and now I find out I was actually onto something. Yay! It’s funny too because my friend stephanie brought over a veggie platter and I DEVOURED the broccoli on that tray. You have no idea. Apparently craving broccoli can also be a sign of low iron. Definitely didn’t know this at the time I was going all “hulk” on her broccoli, but now it makes sense.
I know that I have been loosing ‘extra’ blood, because um, lets just say, I’ve seen it. Forrest Gump would be happy to exclaim,”And that’s all I have to say about that”.
I also know that having certain gyno issues like fibroids, PCOS and endometriosis can cause “heavier bleeding” than normal, during that time of the month. But to be honest. From what my friends complain about, I don’t bleed at all like they do and yet I have a gynecological disease? Go figure. I just suffer from all the other lovely symptoms of Endometriosis.

It’s also strange, because I think I’ve been tested for this before (anemia:low red blood cells) and I think my results came back fine every time. Until a few weeks ago, when my results came in and showed I was low. I am just so stinking happy because FINALLY a test showed that something is wonky. Now I’m just wondering what is causing all this blood loss, or if my body cannot digest iron properly? (Chrons/Celiac disease?) Like I’ve said earlier though, I’ve seen some extra blood here and there whether I’ve coughed it up, vomited up a bit or wiped it off….somethings. So, I’m just glad it’s finally showing up in tests. *sigh of relief*. Praise The Lord.

Anyways, after doing research, I found out that the symptoms of Iron Deficiency Anemia usually appear before it shows up in tests. Also, if you have inflammation, your tests may come back normal even if you are anemic. Trippy hey? Anyways, I had every symptom. Not kidding.
Here they are:

  • Anxiety often resulting in OCD-type compulsions and obsessions
  • Irritability or a low feeling
  • Angina
  • Constipation
  • Sleepiness
  • Tinnitus
  • Mouth ulcers
  • Palpitations
  • Hair loss
  • Fainting or feeling faint
  • Depression
  • Breathlessness
  • Twitching muscles
  • Pale yellow skin
  • Tingling, numbness, or burning sensations
  • Insomnia
  • Koilonychia (spoon-shaped nails) or nails that are weak or brittle
  • Poor appetite
  • Itchyness
    And people with Iron deficiency anemia tend to get infections easier, which happens to me a lot! It’s actually quite ridiculous. Anyways. I’m feeling positive because now there’s something for the doctors to look at, and now they can try to figure out why my body is low in red blood cells. I talked with my doctor about lots of different things and left feeling great! *sigh*Things are looking up. Thank you God.

I have a best friend. His name is pain.

“Sometimes another person has the capability of lending you spoons.” Said my wise friend Stephanie. And quite frankly, if I’m honest. I could really use some extra spoons right about now.

pain 3

I was back in the ER again. Not my favorite place to be, but I’m not complaining. I’m in Canada so we get free health care. (Which is why I’m really not complaining!) Praise the Lord for that. So I was having really bad back and abdominal pain for a while, (a few days) but it was mostly a dull ache. My best friend is pain remember? So I figured I could deal with it using pain killers, until the pain got worse and knocked me off my feet making it hard to stand or walk. I started feeling nauseated and roamed around the house for my Pepto Bismol that I just bought, because I used up the bottle mom had. I couldn’t find it, but figured I could cope with the nausea. The pain lasted a long time, not getting better, which is what sent me to the hospital. As I write this blog I am still having those pains and am on morphine for it. Woo. My best friend is always there for me, what can I say. (Ugh.) Anyways, I don’t want to rant too much in this post but the doctor thinks that I have more endometriosis growths and scar tissue which is what he suspected is causing me so much pain. Either that or kidney stones, but he refused to do a CT scan because of the radiation (seeing as I’ve had a CT on my brain not so long ago). And the radiation is a high risk for causing cancer…blah blah. So now, I probably will have to have another laproscopic surgery to remove more lesions if this is really what the pain is and discuss this with my specialist. Or also go to my family doc get an xray of some sort just to make sure I don’t have kidney stones again. Aye.
Does it feel great to be alive right now? No.

But I know that maybe, tomorrow might be better.

Anyways, wishing you all pain free days. (And if you do have pain free days often, please don’t take them for granted. I sure don’t.)
God Bless you and keep you.

He’s keeping me.


So it’s been almost a year and a half since I’ve worked out because I’ve been so sick. At my lowest, I was bedridden for 2 weeks unable to work, walk, eat, stand….you name it. I felt like I was dying but didn’t know what was going on. My health has been on a rollercoaster ride, with it’s many lows and I’ve noticed throughout the year that the little things I used to do, I can’t do anymore because they make me sick. Throughout the year, I would try to work out, (something I used to love doing) So I would start doing some cardio just to test the waters to see if it would send my body back into relapse or, if I could FINALLY do normal things again. What I noticed was that everytime I would feel dizzy without even being 5 minutes into the routine- obviously, I wouldn’t finish the routine. because being bedridden unable to walk for days really isn’t worth it for me.
Anyways, I just got my laproscopy done for my endometriosis, so I figured hey! I’ve felt physically ‘well’ for a little while and I haven’t tried any exercise in a loong time. So I figured, I can probably work out again! ( forgetting that CFS/ME is what really debilitates me, moreso than my endometriosis does. DUH).
So today, I tried doing a small workout. Nothing like I used to do, but I did a little bit of dance cardio….I noticed that during my time exercising my right arm became numb, and shortly my left foot joined in. Right now it is extremely hard to type, because my hand is still numb and my arm feels weak. And my brain feels a little foggy. But I figured I might as well type this blog up now while I still have the energy!
I haven’t been diagnosed with CFS/ME yet, because my doctor is checking to make sure I don’t have anything else, but all of the symptoms and books I have been reading about CFS/ME describe me and my symptoms to a T.
I think that dancing, which used to be a huge passion of mine, is something I won’t be able to do again. But, I realize that God, has other plans for me, and better things in store for my life. It’s not over if I can’t dance or workout. Christ is my joy, and I thank God that he has given me strength to deal with what has been going on. He is good, in every situation. In sickness and in health. LOL.
He loves us.