By Ang Johnson
Can I even be honest
About whats plaguing me…
Without an eye roll or some cacophonic speech?
Because no one seems to listen when I bring up my disease.
Each day is full of so many unknowns
I try so hard to take control of my symptoms.
I smile and nod, so don’t ever talk “depressiom”
or else when I do, they’ll all second guess it.
But it’s the fact that I can’t get help that makes me depressed, no cure
Yet I’m still hopeful that someday this pain will come to an end.
My bones ache, and sometimes I seize.
I get anxious as I think about the inflammation inside me.
But evenso, I can’t get anywhere because as a lyme patient
they won’t see me.
So tens of thousands of dollars I’ve spent just to fight
To try and get back the last five years of my life.
Back to where I had dreams and goals, no fear.
When I had good cognition and could trust my legs with the weight
they needed to bear,
When I had the coordination to dance.
Now the only dance I do is in circles- hitting a wall,
Looking for answers in the system and finding none at all.
I thought long term antibiotics could be prescribed for acne?
But for an actual bacterial infection… it’s not okay.
Instead it’s okay to let it grow until we die from this disease?
Or until we get misdiagnosed with other syndromes that you can’t
I saw a specialist once, and he said to my face,
“Even if you do have lyme, there is nothing I can do for you”.
So with a quick response I said, “I guess I will just get sicker and die?”
Silence fell in the room.
So please continue.
Don’t talk about depression, instead lets just oppress it
because if we talk about how this illness tests our faith.
We’ll get labelled “psychosomatic”.
Don’t talk about the suicides, due to the system failing to help.
That’s not to mention what lyme disease in the brain
makes you want to do to yourself.
The rage, the hormones, the forgetful brain.
The twitches, the tremors, psychosis, anxiety,
fatigue, even being wheelchair bound for many who are lame.
Speaking of which I guess I should stop talking.
I’ll continue my fight, you’ll continue your mocking.
Dancing round in circles, something has to change.
The blood that has been shed from this disease- deserves
to have a name.