My Feet are Slipping…

Psalm 94:18-19

When I thought, “My foot slips,”
your steadfast love, O Lord, held me up.
When the cares of my heart are many,
your consolations cheer my soul.

I just want to Say a big thanks to those who have been keeping me in their thoughts, prayers, and even pocketbooks.
I just want to recap on how treatment is going. It’s almost been 9 months straight that I’ve been on treatment now for late stage neurological lyme disease, babesia, bartonella and anaplasma phagocytophila. I can’t even believe it. It all seems like a bluur, a crazy ride filled with moments of highs and lows, victories and setbacks. Smiles, and nights ending with many tear-stained (thanks mascara) pillowcases. I remember in the beginning, everything was so scary. The nights I would wake up gasping for air, have horrid heart palpitations, vertigo, nausea, inability to stand for long periods of time, have to use my wheelchair, have horrid pain, spasms, blackouts, and see…all those things used to terrify me. I remember going to bed at night, expecting not to wake up the next morning. But, I’m still here. But now, I don’t scream when I’m in pain any more, or cry my head off sobbing uncontrollably if I can’t breathe-instead, now I just wait patiently, and silently for it to end. Sometimes tears still fall in the silence as I still try to hide my pain from people. But I only do it because I don’t want to complain about something people don’t understand or make them stressed.
In a way, I’ve gotten so accustomed to certain symptoms, that it’s almost like I’ve made a new friend, rather than an enemy, because I wont ever know which symptoms will be cured and which ones might stick around (because of damage also known as post lyme syndrome).
On a positive note: Slowly but surely I am getting better. I don’t know how much longer it will take to get back to normal but I am finally optimistic about being ‘cured’ of this horrid disease. At first when I started treatment I thought that being ‘cured’ was something that seemed impossible, but now as little by little I get better, I finally feel like I may get my old self back.

Now the negative news: My disability has been cut off through my insurance company, so now I have no income to pay for my meds/vitamins and other bills. I’m still not well enough to go back to my job, so I would appreciate every ounce of prayer that you can muster- to pray that God would provide. On top of being ill, stress can aggrivate my symptoms, so I am trying my hardest to trust in God throughout this thing and not freak out. As of this point, I feel like my feet are slipping, yet somehow I’m still standing.
So prayer that God would provide for my medical treatments, government disability, and for God to intervene with my case workers from my insurance company that stopped my disability (they haven’t even written me a formal letter saying that it’s been cancelled, they just stopped it). So bills are piling up, and funds are zip.

I’ve also started new treatment for “fibromyalgia” and had to stop it. Again. My air hunger and heart issues have come back, and I’m attributing it to the new med which can cause those side effects. I’ve also been feeling ‘ill’ in general since being on this med and I think it’s because it supresses the immune system, which in turn lets other things reak havoc in the body.
I also have a bunch of other scary health things acting up, so long story short:
I still need lots of prayer. I have a specialist appointment at the end of April, so hopefully I don’t have any more negative news.
But, God isn’t done with me yet. Apparently there’s still work to be done. And Like Paul said, to live is Christ and to die is gain.
If I live, it’s only because of Christ and his miraculous works, and if I die…that would be great because I get to be with Christ.

So let my life be a reminder to you that God isn’t done with you yet either.
I’ve made so many mistakes but he still pursues me and loves me. In the same way, he loves you.

xoxo.
Ang

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