This is a repost from one of my blogger friends. I thought it was written so beautifully because it came from a place of utter transparency. I found myself nodding a long to each word on the computer screen. I personally have been going through a series of bad days (events?), so the timing of reading this post could not have been any more surreal. I just HAD to re post this. Enjoy a glimpse into the lives of so many struggling with the gift of chronic illnesses.
What most people that don’t suffer from chronic illnesses and pain don’t understand is that we, the sick, experience our feelings and emotions on a much deeper level. When we feel sad it’s usually over multiple things. One thing may trigger the sadness, but as we lay here with nothing other to do than think, a lot of other things, other times, happier days that are just a thing of the past, creep up on us and start racing and racing with nowhere to go. There they are racing around as if stuck in a traffic jam. Our hearts begin to feel heavy, we begin to feel numb inside, our eyes water up, then the storm invades as the tears roll down our cheeks like rain. The storm may last for quite some time, or the storm may last just a little while. All we really want is to smile again. The emotions may become so intense and we veer off the path of our journeys. We become lost, confused, angry, and hopeless. When YOU feel sad, YOU know it won’t last long. The dark clouds hover above us. We never know when the sun may shine again.
Most of us who are chronically ill, will never, again be the same. Our lives have been, forever, altered. Accepting this is not easy. I will not pretend. We all try, but suddenly realize it’s the hardest thing we’ve ever had to do. Over time, for some of us, it takes much longer, to truly accept the new person we’ve become. Our world has darkened. We then get to spend the rest of our lives searching for the light. Some will find it much sooner than others, and some will never find it at all.
For those of us who spend the majority of our lives in bed, the days are long, the days are lonely. We don’t choose to live life this way.
Happiness is just another feeling or emotion, of which we experience many. As I said in the beginning, we experience our feelings and emotions on a much deeper level. Do you realize how just a little of your precious time would make us feel? Happy, on a much deeper level than YOU feel happy. Sadness to us becomes a deep, dark storm. Happiness to us becomes a clear, sunshiny day. This sunshine can shine bright for a long time, or just for a little while, just like the storm.
It doesn’t take much to keep the sunshine shining bright. A visit, a phone call, a compliment, a card in the mail just to say, “hi”, letting us know you haven’t forgotten about us. Most of YOU don’t have time for us. Why would you want to hang out with us? We can’t do anything, so why waste your time? Why call us? I’m sure you’re tired of hearing about our new lives, hearing about how much pain we’re in. The one thing you won’t hear is how happy we are, that you called, because you can’t bring yourselves to pick up the phone and dial our number. Compliments are most definitely out of the question. You can’t see us or talk to us, so you sure as hell can’t give us a compliment of any kind. A card in the mail just to say, “hi”, that can’t happen, either, because you don’t have the time. For most of YOU we used to call friends, you can’t do any of the above because you’ve forgotten that we exist. Therefore, the storms come often and the sun shines less and less with each passing day.
We’ll find our way in the dark or one day we’ll just go away. Some of us will flourish. The rest of us will dissipate. What will happen to me? I don’t know the answer to that today.
Those of us who receive happiness and sunshine, will be the “lucky ones”. We will be the ones to flourish.
Those of us that stay stuck in the dark storm, we will be the ones that dissipate into the dark.
I understand that YOU all are busy with your fast paced lives, but before we were sick, you always had the time.
Just a little ray of sunshine goes a long way!