Today.

Today I hurt. I can’t deal with this physical pain anymore. I just spent the past few hours crying and pleading with God to take my life.

Today I question my life like Job, and wonder why God would bring me into this world only to have me suffer.
I still wear a smile so no one sees the pain I feel- yet everyday the pain for me IS so real.
My heart cries:

Lord…take me”. Stop this heart, collapse my lungs…whatever. It’s already hard to breathe, so why won’t you just stop this bout of wheezing, my heart already is skipping to abnormal beats….so why don’t you stop it altogether? Instead you’d rather me feel every discomfort, every unnatural urge to gasp for air. You let me feel what it’s like to be so close to death, yet ironically you deny me that privilege. Every blackout, every seizure, every spasm, every studder, every fibre of my being is in revolt and it is destroying me. And if there is a posibility that I will have to continue to live an eternity like this….please God, LET it destroy me now.

I am so worn out.
-Your dying daughter.

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