God is close to the broken-hearted.

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

Psalm 34:18

Yes He is and yes He does. The past few weeks have been pretty crazy for me, and when I say crazy I mean more than physically. There has been a heck of a lot of chaos going on in my life in general. I will not go into detail about all that. But on top of that, I’ve been dealing with horrible herxing!!
There is a positive though! God has been showing himself to me through this haze!
SoOoooo, long story short I have been stressed.
Let me explain: healthwise, I thought I was starting to get better. A lot of my neuro symptoms were starting to back off! My seizures seemed to be disappearing, and my twitches/jerks were gone. Or so I thought. They actually decided they wanted to come back, and do it with a vengeance.
I attribute these things to herxing. Yuck. I think I’ve had 3 or 4 seizures in the past two weeks and my horrible brain fog has come back. Normally I just have complex partials, but this time I’ve been loosing consciousness during these seizure episodes, and I honestly feel like I’m dying. I notice I’ve been ‘spacing out’ during conversations these past few weeks with my friends and if I’m sharing something, I’ll suddenly forget what I was going to say in the middle of my sentences, and I’ve been studdering/mispronouncing/sluuring my speech again which is not cool. It’s like having someone take a dump in your cornflakes…so not awesome.

But on a super positive note: I feel like Angela again. My crazy, outgoing, fun personality traits are coming to life again. They’ve been dead for so long because being outgoing and fun required energy, which I didn’t have. SoOoO I’m saying all this to say that my energy is getting better little by little which is encouraging. The daunting fatigue monster still haunts me, but not every single day anymore!! I can go to a store now, and not have to be sitting in my wheelchair! (I do have bad days where I use it, but not as much!) Also, if I am fatigued and am not feeling the greatest, I’ve been finding creative ways to deal with it so that I don’t go stir crazy. If I need to rest…I will go to a lake or beach instead of my bed. That way I’m getting outdoors, and am not actually doing anything, but I feel like I’m doing something because I’m out. I can pull out a blanket and sleep and I’m good for several hours LOL. (As long as I don’t have a migraine to begin with!)
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I also have had a few days last week where I’ve felt decent, so I saw a couple of my friends which was good because I’ve missed them. But, I’m stupid because I did too much. I forget that even just meeting with friend takes a lot out of me. So when I saw my friend last… it was no bueno. The end result was me herxing and jerking/convulsing during what was supposed to be a coffee date. Smh. Oh well. She was very patient and gracious. (Thanks lady)

Oh! I can’t forget the clonodine! The clonodine has been a God send. It’s really helping with my psychotic herxing. I notice my depression has not been bothering me much, and neither has my suicidal/violent/angry ‘impulses’ so that is a superrrr good thing. I’m VERY happy about that.

Praise Report: God has been providing for my med funds. (PRAISE THE LORD). Thank you to everyone who has been helping fundraise, and who is continuing to help me out by sending gifts and such! I appreciate you guys and pray for you often. I really don’t think you get how big of a deal this is for me.
I was ready to cancel my appointment with my doctor because I didn’t have the funds to see him. I also ran out of probiotics and was thinking…Oh Lord, I have no money. But BAM. But God provided me with funds AND a car the next day. Annd a basement suite…..all of which I will blog about in a completely different post! So let me encourage you: In the crazy hard times when it seems like everything is dark remember that, God is still going to take care of you. He will never leave you or forsake you, keep trusting in Him and He’ll work things out. He really does love you and remember that he’s working all the muck out for your good in the end! 🙂

Anyways. I’m half dead now, bedtime for mee.
Thanks guys for all your support, love, comments, prayers, messages, cards…everything!
I love yall!
MUAH!
-Ang

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