I’m still a newbie when it comes to Lyme disease treatment. I’ve been on antibiotics almost for 2 weeks and it’s been going better than I expected, at least I thought. And then yesterday happened.
Sidenote: Before you continue reading be warned that some of the following material may be disturbing to some people.
I would like to pay omage to the writer of the Dr.Seuss musical Seussical. There’s a song in the play that goes a little something like this: Oh the things you can think, oh the things you can think …when you think about Seuss”. Anyways yesterday I after my bad herx I began thinking “oh the things you can think when you’re herxing from Lyme”. Lyme messes up your brain man! In so many ways. I’ve heard of Lyme rage before but never experienced it fully in all of it’s glory and fury until yesterday. If I’m suddenly feeling angry because of the Lyme I usually hibernate in my room so that I don’t yell at people. Because I’ve done that to my poor mom before.
Anyways so back to the herxing.
So yesterday I collapsed a few times, had a partial seizure was running to the toilet to vomit, had a fever and chills and was having pseudobulbar affect reeking havoc over my emotions. I cried for hours for no reason again (like my last herx), but this time something scary happened. My brain felt like it was exploding and like there was this numbing pressure in my brain, so logically, (yeah, not so much) I began smacking my head with my hands to try to stop that feeling, the smacking turned into punching and not just my head, I began punching my legs, the walls, etc. And I honestly felt crazy and looking back, it frightens me a bit because I was at home by myself. Also thoughts of suicide came rushing in. I began thinking of smashing my head against the wall but I knew that I was being irrational so I went to my bed to lie down to avoid doing anything stupid. It was scary but I’m just being completely honest about it.
Then a few hours later a friend came to visit me, we watched some tv and he cuddled me which seemed to help me forget how sick I really was for a bit. It was probably the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me (If you happen to see this, thank you, you know who you are).
So I’m still not feeling the greatest, but I don’t feel as psycho as I did yesterday. I had a random bit of energy, which never happens, so I straightened my hair and went back to bed lol! That way if I continue to herx I don’t have to worry about my hair lol. Oh the vanity, I know….stupid.