I turn the big 25 in 4 days, and to be honest I’m not really excited about that, rather, I’m excited about something I will be getting very soon. A wheelchair!
You’re probably thinking? What? She’s excited for a wheelchair….oh boy.
But let me explain my excitement.
My symptoms seem to be getting worse. I’ve been bed bound for months and the only time I agree to go out is if I’m going to a restaurant because I know I’ll be sitting down. If I stand for long periods of time I feel like I’m going to drop to the floor. (Which I have done a lot recently). My leg muscles especially like to turn into jello on a moments notice, and I fall. I also feel like passing out when I’m standing, so I don’t like to go out to places knowing I have to do a lot of walking. (Wondering if it’s related to POTS). My mom asked me if I wanted to go with her to Walmart the other day, because she knew I was stuck in my room all the time and I said no. Because the thought of standing and walking scared me.
I usually use a cane when I go out, but recently I’ve stopped because my arms are weak. It’s hard to try to hold a cane properly which holds part of my body weight on it, if my arm is weak. No buena. So instead of going out, I just stay in bed and go a little stir crazy. Wanting to go out, but physically realizing that I can’t.
This week, my mom had to help me out of the shower… and help me put socks on.
I’ve had days where my muscles spasam and I can’t sleep, and then there’s other days where I can tell I’m overly twitchy and my moments aren’t smooth, my head will bobble when I talk and my arm likes to do this flinching thing. I’m not surprised when this happens though, because I’ve seen it before. But I am excited because with a wheelchair, I will be able to go out. Even if it’s to enjoy something as silly as the mall, I won’t have to worry about passing out from standing or having my muscles give out on me. I can still be a part of life and participate, without disappearing from society from being bed bound. I feel like in a small way, I’m getting some of my freedom back. And for that, I’m VERY excited.
Happy Birthday to me. =]
I never thought I would get a wheelchair by my 25th birthday, and I never thought I would be this excited for one.
Many of you may not understand my excitement, but some of you who are battling chronic illnesses will understand