Send me, I will go!

This blog entry is going to be crazy. I’m still processing everything that has happened, and I don’t want to forget the things God has been showing me these past few days.

In order for this to all make sense I have to tell you about something that shook me up pretty badly. I had a dream, several years ago, that moved and touched me. I wrote down everything that happened in this dream and I still have never been able to get those images out of my mind to this day.
The dream sequence started in a small grungy apartment. A group of us were sitting in a circle on the floor, cross legged, dressed in colorful Hijabs. In my dream, we were a house church, getting together to fellowship with each other and study God’s word, because that’s the only way we could have ‘church’ and not have our building burned to the ground. During the middle of our study there was a loud thump at the door. Startled, we looked towards the door not knowing what was about to happen. BAM! Fully armored soldiers kicked the door down and proceeded to enter the apartment. Without hesitation they walked towards us and began shooting at us. Dead bodies and blood fell to the ground and blood was splattering left and right.  (There probably was 20-30 of us gathered together). Three of us ran down the stairs of the apartment trying to escape with our lives. We could hear the soldiers behind us, but we kept running until we were  several blocks away,  in a dusty street/road. We had nowhere else to go, so we hid in a nearby dumpster and stayed there overnight for fear that the soldiers would find us if we stayed at someones house. DAY 2: In the morning we managed to eat from the dumpster we slept in, because we had no money and didn’t want to go to local ‘shops’ for food in case someone would turn us in. The whole day, we walked and watched our backs. Eventually we ended up finding an old church building that was not in use, it looked damaged and the windows were boarded up. We broke in and stayed hidden in the back room, which was a children’s nursery. We talked about our plans to leave the Country and stratagized on how we might be able to accomplish this goal and leave unseen. We knew that there was going to be a religious festival in the city, and figured we could get out that way, by being hidden among the crowds. Who would be able to spot us out among thousands of people? We fellowshipped and called it a night, while hunger ravaged our bodies.
Day 3: We headed out towards the city. It took us a long time to get there and we were very tired. The city was crowded with passionate people! It was loud and obnoxious! People had religious flags and signs and were proud, of what- I’m still not sure. (I’m thinking it could be related to a muslim religious festival). We were working our way through the crowds when one of the soldiers that was chasing us noticed us and pointed us out to other soldiers. The other soldiers were quick to notice and began chasing us. Here we were again, running for our lives for the simple crime of being Christians. My friend on the left fell dead from a bullet wound beside me, and my friend to the right fell dead from a bullet also. I continued to run- and then I woke up! LOL.

Ever since I’ve had this dream (which was years ago remember!) I have felt led to missions. Which is ironic, because most people having a dream like this would be scared for dear life to ever want to do missions- especially knowing they could die. I, on the other hand, had a peace that simply said, “I want that life”. I continued to pray about this because I never knew ‘where’ my dream was set. All I knew is that it was in some middle eastern country, primarily Muslim and intolerant towards Christianity. So I didn’t know where God wanted me to go. I also didn’t know when God wanted me to go. I never felt a sense of urgency. Until now.

3 days ago (On Nov the 18th). I heard the word “Pakistan” before I went to bed.
Right away I connected it with this dream.
For the first time, I felt like God told me where this dream was, and where he wants me to go.

Today On November the 20th, I was talking with a brother of mine and he asked me about missions and if I still had a zeal for it. He told me that one of his friends was thinking about going to Pakistan. (Saaay waaaat?!).
I told him that I felt God may be leading me to Pakistan too!

So then I looked up a video on youtube of Pakistan. This one to be exact: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=39CNl6YSGIo
When I started watching the video I had shivers running down my spine and my hair standing up on it’s ends because I freaked out! There were over 4 images in that video that looked identical to the settings in my dream. I took screenshots of a couple and plan to do more soon.

-The first image looks like the `grungy` apartment we had to run out of. And it also looks like the dusty roadway that I saw in my dream.
-The second image looks like the final scene in the dream at the religious festival right before the soldiers spotted us!
There`s more that I will upload if I get the time!

So then I’m talking with my friend, and he tells me about a female Martyr Saint Perpetua and I get all excited and look up her website online. I see this image.

Again I begin to freak out, because last night I read 1 Corinthians 13. I was really grieved by it for some reason, and seeing this brought all that back to the surface.

All I have to say is. God is good. If he is using this stuff as confirmation than it makes me joyful to know that God would do things this intimate to tell me something. My response is: Send me, I will go.   I’m really excited, and nervous at the same time, because I feel like this possibly the beginning of a new journey for me.
And I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?” Then I said, “Here am I! Send me.” Isaiah 6:8

Please pray for a sista!
Love you fam!

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2 thoughts on “Send me, I will go!

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