1 John 3:17-20 But if anyone has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God’s love abide in him? Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.
By this we shall know that we are of the truth and reassure our heart before him; for whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything.
I am going to start this post by sharing my current struggles with you. Forgive me, I tried posting this before- but I had tremors in my hands that were making it hard to type this out. So I left yall hangin.
Let me pick up where I left off.
For the past month I’ve been pretty sick. (This isn’t related to my endometriosis or other “mystery disease”) but I had acquired a bad infection that worked it’s way to my kidney, and a short while later, I got pneumonia because the infection thought my lungs were awesome. Because of this I wasn’t able to work. I only took a week and a bit off work because of the pneumonia (Yes, I worked with a kidney infection).
Anyways this same time I was off sick- I was having a friend stay over. I was not expecting to be bedridden for most of the time. Anyways a few days prior to my friend coming over, my rent cheque was taken out. I had enough in my account to cover that, and maybe a little left for groceries. It turned out I didn’t have money for groceries. And I was too proud to ask for help from anyone. My wonderful friend steph (i love her) came over to help make me dinner because I was sick and didn’t have the energy to do any cooking. (Meanwhile I had a guest over as well, who was not helping me. But that’s a whooole other story!) Anyways, my friend brought some veggies over and I thanked her and said “Whoa! This is an answer to prayer!” she soon realized I had no food, and decided to shop for some things for me the next day. I was very thankful! So much so, that her generosity brought tears to my eyes. All day I just wanted to keep her in prayer! During this time she also took me to the hospital which was probably the nicest thing anyone’s ever done. If you know the healthcare system, you know that hospital waits are LONG. Yet, she happily stayed by my side as they administered drip IV’s and ran several tests. When I got home, all I could think about was getting back to work, because I knew that a week and a bit without working would cost me even more money. As my account balance was already in the negative. But work- is another thing I must face. And by God’s grace he’ll make a way where there seems to be no way. I saw my doctor recently, and he’s sending me to a Rhumatologist to find out what’s going on with me (what disease is wreaking havoc on my muscles, energy levels, causing spassams & tremors etc) so, while I am so grateful and optimistic about finally getting a diagnosis, I know that if I don’t get better (unless God decides to heal me), that I will have to live on disability. Which means, I will make half of what I make now.
On top of this, my relationship with my mother has been heated recently. We haven’t been talking so she had no idea that I was sick, poor, or in the hospital. I finally understand what it feels like to not have family. My dad isn’t in my life anymore, and my sister and I even got in a brief spat!
Some friends, I felt, were using me when I was sick and at my lowest. I’m not saying this to shame anyone or to boast in my troubles, but I’m bringing allllllll of this up to let you know that even though all this craziness has been going on- I am THANKFUL for all of it. God’s grace has been sufficient for me, and has given me the strength to stay positive, joyful & grateful during this time. It seems weird, that I am smiling during a time when it would be normal to cry, but when I reflect on Christ and all he has done for me, all of my troubles don’t seem to matter. Only Christ seems to matter.
I have also had my eyes opened through all of this, at how important it really is to be “doers” of the word and not just hearers, especially when it comes to brotherly love. I beg of you, as Christians, as my brothers and sisters in Christ. Let brotherly love continue. We love others because Christ first loved us, and our actions should show this! Do you have a friend in need? A family member going through something rough? What have you done to show them the love of Christ? Search your heart.
Soli deo gloria,