I want to write this post to ask all of you to pray for me! (And for all my other bro’s and sistahs out there).
I have been going through some transitions in my life where I know God is calling me to action- I have been on a specific path with my schooling and studies, meanwhile, I feel a nudging on my heart that will not go away that is telling me to do full time ministry. And when I say ministry, I want to get the gospel out to the world using creative arts. I almost feel a sense of urgency on this-but I’m praying that God will reveal his exact plans of what He wants me to do and let me know when (and if) He really wants me to do this with the ideas that have been brought to my mind. I could use tons of prayer backup if you are reading this- Thank you! I love you!
Also, I have been going through a lot emotionally. I am not one to cry publically EVER, but last week I broke down on the phone with my best friend and could not stop sobbing. Then the same started happening everywhere….aaah! But it’s okay. I realize that I do not always have to be strong, and I understand that God will get me through all this muck that has been coming up for me- I feel like I am back at square one: where I was when I was 17.
So I went to church and it was amazing…and I think for the first time in my life- I heard someone preach the gospel in it’s entirety: My pastor Jeff. (God Bless him!) After church I went up to him and thanked him from the bottom of my heart for what he preaches and how he holds true to scripture…I then, guess what? Broke down in tears (I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHY?!) and said..”The gospel means so much to me. God has done so much for me and I really want others to come to see it too”. I thanked him again and told him that every time I go to church I leave blessed, because I am challenged or encouraged because he’s preaching from scripture. I also said that I hear your sermons and am encouraged to remember that I am not alone in this fight, there are others out there who care about the Gospel like I do- not because of merit or works, but grace: The notion that the most wretched of men and women, are able to receive the most wonderful gift of all- through Jesus Christ. You see, I get very sad at times, because I feel utterly alone in this Christian walk, I know I have God- but I look around me and all I see is…church growth strategies, the emerging church, false prophets, and RARELY do I ever hear the gospel being preached. I have so many “professing” Christian friends of whom I can’t ever talk about Christ with, because they’d really rather talk about worldly stuff. I really miss getting challenged, having accountability and all that good stuff that comes with fellowship. Some of the closest Christian friends I have- live so far away- and it’s tough. So if you are reading this and you are in my shoes, don’t worry, we’re fighting the good fight together. The perseverance of the saints will continue! I need to remind myself that there is a time for everything afterall, and I suppose this is my time in the wilderness…(again- woo?) (Ecc 3) I suppose God has more refining work to do with me- hence Him putting me through more tests and trials. I need to remind myself that in the end I will come out better.
Also, relationally keep me in your prayers. I realize that God is my first love and -He always will be. I am content being a female “Paul” so to speak, if I have to be. You see, if it means I get to focus on ministry and my relationship with God first and foremost: I’m game. If a man will come between that and not “help” me in my Christian walk and ministry, but will only stunt the process- then I’d rather be single. I need my eyes to stay focused on numero uno. But if God brings me a ministry partner….now we’re talkin! I don’t know. I have lots to pray about. We’ll see where God leads me…in this fiesta of….life?
I’m going to be completely honest.
I am soo weary and tired. Ya know what I mean Jellybean? We all have these days.
I need your prayer more than you can ever imagine right now.
Sometimes I underestimate the power in praying to a God big enough to help us in times of great need.
Remember: God is able to do just what He said he will do.
Wait on Him, trust in Him, find your strength in Him.
I love you all,
Run with perseverance.